Hope they realize...

I hope they realize that I did care when they didn't. That I was always there for them when they weren't. That I was ready to save them and sacrifice my life for theirs. I actually had dreams that I'd save them but get injured in the process, then they realize how much i care. How much i like having them around. how much i was willing to give for them to see the next day. I don't care if they didn't care. Or if they didn't notice me. Or if they don't want me there. I care. I cared about them all. The ones who I know. The ones i don't. The ones that i like. The ones who hate me. The most of the ones i hate. It turns out I really care even if it doesn't seem like it. Even if i don't know that i do. And i really miss them. So, so much. But here is the key thing that hurts the most...They aren't there.

And what i mean is that I miss them but either they don't miss me or (even worse) they say they do miss me but when I am there to say hi and talk, I'm completely invisible so technically they are lying. How do I know they are lying? Here is a situation that happened recently.

I went to visit them and say Merry Christmas and Happy New Years etc. before the school closed for the holiday. It was like before it started. I was on crutches. I don't like elevators so I went up 6 sets of zigzag stairs (I know I am stupid for doing that). When i get to the 3rd floor i see one of the people i was gonna say hi to. She says hi but then walks into the classroom. I walk into the classroom and sit down. I got munchkins for the group of people. I give them to the person/teacher. After a bit of an awkward silence. She asks me what happened to my heel. I explain clumsiness. Then, here is what hurt  a lot, she asks how my sister is. My *bleeping* sister. Like that just hurts a lot. I've been gone for a while and when i come back to say hi you ask about my sister. Wow, just, wow. Then after i say she's fine i just sit there in silence and awkwardness. Luckily another person/teacher who actually does care, what seems like the only person, walks in i ask her to come with me into the elevator because i have to go because of some made up lie to get out of the awkwardness. So then I leave.

Like why. Why why why why WHY?! I'm just invisible at the school. Always have. Always will. And that's why i do school at home now. I get more attention from my fish, cat, dog, and guinea pig than i ever did at school that is filled with like over 1000+ students & faculty. And guess what? The animals don't judge me. they notice me and care about me.

Even though i am no there at school it hurts me to say that i still miss people aren't even there.

Anyway...I learned something from this that i never knew/noticed until now:
I am missing something that was there but is now gone or that wasn't there to begin with. I have been through all the 11 years that i was at school. You were never there. Never have. Never will. I just hope you ALL know that when i thought you were there, it made me feel good. But it makes me feel better that I know now that i don't have to be hurt over people who weren't there in the first place........And I want to let you all to also know that I am going to erase you from my life. So this is like goodbye. Goodbye forever and I hope you have a happy life with out the spontaneous weirdo that is the awesomeness of me. 



I hate being sick. I've been sick for 6-7 days now. Saw my doctor today. Got meds for cough...didnt do sheetz. Now having on and off coughing fits and spitting up...which is so un-fun....I seriously want something to cure this virus. I literally feel like i am dying. Hang on... *points at self* No! Noooooooo! No! No Coughing! Bad *Looks back at you* Ok so where was i...Oh yes, I really want to be healthy again..

And think of this quote before you act sick:

"There are people out there who are too sick to be able to go to work and school and now they are poor, homeless, or sad to say dead. We act sick to get out of our education and are way of getting through life. Think twice before fake being sick until you feel the true pain of the word 'sick'. "


Zombie Team

Gamer Nerd Girl

I've recently been playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
I love it a lot. I am hoping for Call of Duty Black Ops 2 for Christmas.
I've been also watching Tobuscus and iJustine on YouTube (By the way they are the definition of awesome)
And a couple days ago i was moving stuff in my junk covered room. I was walking backwards while carrying something and then a pencil jabs into my ankle really hard. I can't step on it because it hurts too much. I'm gonna have to see a doctor about that.
Advice for future: Don't walk in messy bedroom without footwear (not socks)!!!

I also took my old computer monitor and found out i can use it as another screen on my desk.
All i need now is a wireless keyboard.
I also need drivers, more USB ports, and speaker attachments for my laptop. 

I'll might or might not post some gifts on Christmas or a couple days later.
But for now, have a:
A. Merry Christmas
B. Happy Hanukkah
C. Happy Kwanzaa
D. Other (Specify Other): ________

I'm back from my hiatus/break!

I'm back! Please hold your applause.


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