Pause Button on Life

Have you ever wanted to push the pause button on life? You're happy with life now. Happy with your age. Happy with the people you surrounded yourself with. So why not pause life and keep things how they are? I know I have and I feel that way right now.

Not to say that i love high school but at least i know (mostly) everyone in my grade. And most know me. In all honesty, I would miss every single person i know there. They all have a bits of themselves in my memories. And for some reason my mind is starting to fade. Hell, I'd forget something I'm doing right in the middle of doing it. And it's a scary thought to think of forgetting people you care deeply about.

It scares me to think about the death of my mom. my pets. my family. my friends, my enemies.....myself. It scares me to think about the future. About what's to come in life. What might or might not happen. It scares me so badly that I cant sleep because all i think about is the pain and sadness of having no one in my life.

I may have minor fears but nothing can possibly compare to the fear of the future and change that comes with the future.

There are so many people I care about. That care about me. That make me smile. That bring joy to my life. That make me laugh til I cry...I just don't want those people to be gone.....They matter so much to me.....

And people in my life that have moved but i still stay in contact with...Its not the same...It's soo different. I don't see their faces. I don't hear them as much unless on the phone. Even though I am happy for THEM that doesn't mean I am happy MYSELF.

Being a senior in high school, one 'normal' person might think "Yes! school is almost over! College here i come." Not me though. I'm scared. I'm scared because i don't know what i wanna do after high school. College? Break (For how long? Days? Weeks? Years? Forever?)? Job(s)? Nothing? I honestly don't know.

I play videogames and read manga to escape to the another world. It feels like I put pause on but i know i didn't....I draw and listen to music to relax (sometimes)....

[That is why I am posting a blog post at 3:30 in the morning.]


So freaking excited

I am so freaking excited like the Naruto game comes out in 9(+/-) days!! SOOO EXCITED!!! SOO HYPED!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what's kinda annoying...

A couple things about skyrim. Not a lot annoys me about skyrim but the fact that the Stone of Baranziah(s) dont tell me where I got them. So like now i have 22/24 of them but i dont remember exactly where i got each one of them...Like grrr....I ONLY NEED 2 F***ING MORE AND THEY TAKE UP 11 weight FROM MY BAG!!! GRRR!!!!!


Quickly to add on to my Serious Post

Just a quick add-on to my serious post:

I just wanted to say how News Anchors ask the questions no one wants to hear. Like (enhance stupid voice) "Did you see the murderer?" , "Do you think so-and-so is still alive?" , "Do you think your wife/ husband/ boyfriend/ girlfriend/ family member/ friend did this?" or "Do you think you'll ever forgive family member/ friend for doing what he did?" ...Like no, just no. If a news anchor ever hassles you for anything, honestly just slap them or tell them to get the f*** away before you slap them :P I am really not the one to encourage violence but seriously it's so annoying. Don't freaking crowd around your car so you can't get to it, or crowd your front door so you can't leave. Like...honestly....

New Drawing in Progress

So I am working on a new drawing. It's gonna take some time, a lot of small edits and an eraser. It's gonna be of...You know what? I'm not gonna tell you. I'll show you when it's done :P


Thoughts of Life [Serious Post] (2013)

Though it may seem as if most of all the poverty and hate in the world is gone it's all based on the proximity that you're in. Some places are nicer. Some places seem nicer. Some places are neither.

In many places there is deplorable living, inedible food, and/or bacteria filled water. I do not mean to vilify these places by any means. Trust me when I say that my heart goes out to those places where it's hard to live.
There are some places in U.S. that have problems like those above but even if there isn't things like that, there is a lot of hate and discrimination.

There is discrimination aimed towards the LGBTQ Community. Sometimes it is view able, sometimes not. As a member of the LGBTQ community (Yes, I am a lesbian) i don't see as much as i did as a middle schooler. In middle school, students were being facetious with there jokes and would throw the word "gay" around like it was nothing. But for me on the inside it still hurts a bit.

There is also still sexist, racist, hurtful people out there. And the worst ones aren't afraid to speak their mind in public.

With all this hate and discrimination (and sometimes other things) there are gun control issues. In my eyes the gun companies are prolific with guns. According to the news articles i saw, they seem to sell more guns after shootings because people want protection. But what does that solve. Shoot the person who's going to shoot you? I'm sorry but there is NO LOGIC AT ALL THERE.

The News systems (such as Fox, CNN, CBS, etc.) are, in a way, like the paparazzi. They'd crowd around court houses, go to the location of a recent accident, annoy witnesses about things they saw...Like the only difference is that the news anchors have some what of a heart when they do their job. But both paparazzi, and news systems are very incongruous. The least they could do is to be a little more taciturn with their approach.


February Vacation Break

I really wanna go to Tennessee and visit my friend there. It was a lot of fun the first time. I really wanna go again and do some different things. Go to the fitness center she goes to, eat different places, see new things, enjoy more than before.



Though this show might seem at first as sexy girls with powers, it actually is more deep than that. It really pulls the heart strings. It will make you laugh. It will make you cry....A lot...I personally love this Anime. 


[Bubbline x SakuIno

I don't know where or what....

For some reason unknown, I feel the need to travel far away to think. But i don't know where I'd be going or what i'd be thinking about. My heart is telling me i need to think. Think deeply. But I am not sure about what though.

I feel the need to cry. To let my emotions about something out. But i don't know where they are coming from.


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