My Place to Post Whatever I Want (within reason)
12.30.2013
12.29.2013
Unknowing Hiatus
Christmas was lonesome. I was not there in my uncle's mind. I sat alone for most of Christmas. As a family we makes sure to open each gift at the same time as everyone else. We did that and I finished first... It's not a BIG deal but still...
For presents I got Five Different Giftcards, a Bakuman Wall Scroll, Manga Outline Pens, Bakuman Manga Starter Kit, Clothes, Socks, a Comb, Giant Drawing Pad, Omiyage book and cloth for it (its Origami with Cloth), Four Pokemon Figures (Umbreon, Meowth, Charmander, Treeko), blaket and some other things I can't remember.With the Giftcards I bought:
Borderlands 2 (on Steam)
Chivalry: Medieval Warfare (on Steam)
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (on Steam
2 Drawing Notebooks
4 Mass Effect Figures (Miranda Lawson, Grunt, John Shepard, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya)
Music
Naruto: The Will of Fire Movie (on iTunes)
Despicable Me 2 (Rented on iTunes)
A Couple Items/Keys on Team Fortress 2
12.09.2013
My thoughts about College in General (and other stuff)
College
2-4 Years (or more) of Education some point after earning a High School Diploma.
My thoughts about college are rarely agreed with, though when someone does agree it's nice cause then they understand. When they don't agree then they think I am an insane person who doesn't have a life.
Here are the thoughts:
2-4 Years (or more) of Education some point after earning a High School Diploma.
My thoughts about college are rarely agreed with, though when someone does agree it's nice cause then they understand. When they don't agree then they think I am an insane person who doesn't have a life.
- College is an OPTION. A FUCKING OPTION! A CAN, NOT A MUST/HAVE TO!!
- It's a option that YOU decide. Not someone else. Not a Parent/Guardian/Family Member/Friend. No one decides when YOU go to college except you (and also depending on money)
- College isn't for everyone. Taylor Swift, Blake Lively, Zac Efron, Cameron Diaz, Tyra Banks, even Ryan Reynolds did not earn their College Diplomas.Though it may be tough, You can be an actor, singer, a writer even. An artist. You can also go for the less fun jobs such as a fast food worker, grocery employee, or some kind of worker that doesn't need a college diploma/degree.
- You can go almost at any age you want after high school. You can be 18 or you could be 65. Doesn't matter what age. And that gives you time to get the money if you don't have it cause college is expensive.
- You are, i think, allowed to go to college without a defined major/minor at first. I am not positive but I am pretty sure it's true.
I have not gone to college yet. I plan to though. But that doesn't matter to my sister or my aunt and uncle.
They are quite cruel when they judge. To them I am:
The Weird Loser Girl who is a Failure because I don't go to college and I should get a 'schedule' so I am not so tired. I never get a say in anything. I am a nobody. I am a failure who doesn't have a life.
That is what I am to them.
That is what I will be until I am a milliionare with an amazing job that is "normal" and I have a straight life style.
Which will never EVER happen.
So I am forever a Nobody
12.05.2013
A Discovery that makes sense
My sister is a kleptomaniac.
Kleptomania is the inability to refrain from the urge to steal items for reasons other than personal use or financial gain. There "is the recurrent failure to resist impulses to steal items even though the items are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value
I remember when she first was here at the age of 5, she stole a lollipop from a store cause she thought it was okay. We told her that it wasn't okay so she understood. But now she has taken A LOT of my books (plus adding her name into the books that already have my name in it, pokemon cards (which she doesn't care about at all), hole puncher, two bottles of motrin (concerning a little), and a bunch of other things. She does have OCD about things being even. Numbers, "fairness", positioning of things, volume level on the television, etc. :I Its really annoying. I feel like she does it and doesn't remember.
Kleptomania is the inability to refrain from the urge to steal items for reasons other than personal use or financial gain. There "is the recurrent failure to resist impulses to steal items even though the items are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value
I remember when she first was here at the age of 5, she stole a lollipop from a store cause she thought it was okay. We told her that it wasn't okay so she understood. But now she has taken A LOT of my books (plus adding her name into the books that already have my name in it, pokemon cards (which she doesn't care about at all), hole puncher, two bottles of motrin (concerning a little), and a bunch of other things. She does have OCD about things being even. Numbers, "fairness", positioning of things, volume level on the television, etc. :I Its really annoying. I feel like she does it and doesn't remember.
My Stuff....T-T
12.03.2013
So I've finally finished downloading SWTOR...
11.29.2013
I honestly don't like Thanksgiving...
My family is kind of predicable about planning events. They are last minute. They are usually at my home (rare occasion that it's at my Grandma's or my aunt's).
And this is usually how the events go (besides Christmas)
Mom + Aunt + Grandma = Talk about life events, mostly my grandmother's life
Uncle + Sister + Cousin = Talk about sports and stuff
or
Sister + Cousin = Talk about school and watch vids; Uncle = On phone/Reading book
I predicted this because it always happens. Though my Grandma didnt come this year. She was feeling sick/tired/something. I even predicted the table arraignment.
Then there is me. I am usually never spoken to unless to complain about something I am doing wrong. Before I ate, I mainly worked on my writing alone. My aunt briefly came in and asked how I was doing. I said I was tired. She literally said "You're always tired. You should have a schedule or something.".... I have adrenal fatigue but I didn't tell her because she'd be like "You're only 18, you shouldn't have stress....
[Definition: The term "adrenal fatigue" may be applied to a collection of mostly nonspecific symptoms such as "tiredness, trouble falling asleep at night or waking up in the morning, salt and sugar craving, and needing stimulants like caffeine to get through the day". Most commonly associated with intense or prolonged stress.]
For most of my life I've been stressed, whether or not I knew the word 'Stress'. Anyway, during the dinner/lunch I sat there while everyone but me talked about sports things. I didn't eat because the stress and anxiety was eating me. Then after dinner I slept on their couch. I was mostly asleep but I could hear them somewhat talking. I wish I didn't have to go to many of the family events...
....... I don't belong T~T
And this is usually how the events go (besides Christmas)
Mom + Aunt + Grandma = Talk about life events, mostly my grandmother's life
Uncle + Sister + Cousin = Talk about sports and stuff
or
Sister + Cousin = Talk about school and watch vids; Uncle = On phone/Reading book
I predicted this because it always happens. Though my Grandma didnt come this year. She was feeling sick/tired/something. I even predicted the table arraignment.
Then there is me. I am usually never spoken to unless to complain about something I am doing wrong. Before I ate, I mainly worked on my writing alone. My aunt briefly came in and asked how I was doing. I said I was tired. She literally said "You're always tired. You should have a schedule or something.".... I have adrenal fatigue but I didn't tell her because she'd be like "You're only 18, you shouldn't have stress....
[Definition: The term "adrenal fatigue" may be applied to a collection of mostly nonspecific symptoms such as "tiredness, trouble falling asleep at night or waking up in the morning, salt and sugar craving, and needing stimulants like caffeine to get through the day". Most commonly associated with intense or prolonged stress.]
For most of my life I've been stressed, whether or not I knew the word 'Stress'. Anyway, during the dinner/lunch I sat there while everyone but me talked about sports things. I didn't eat because the stress and anxiety was eating me. Then after dinner I slept on their couch. I was mostly asleep but I could hear them somewhat talking. I wish I didn't have to go to many of the family events...
....... I don't belong T~T
11.27.2013
Usagi Drop
So I am about to finish this anime series called Usagi Drop (or Bunny Drop)Its really good. I love it. Rin-chan, Kouki-chan, Daikichi, all of them ^-^ Such an amazing series. Didn't cause sadness but it made me really happy :D
11.25.2013
Deep Thinking Late Night Post
It's 1:30-ish AM. I can't sleep because I have so much on my mind. So I'm gonna let some of my thoughts flow from my brain onto my blog.
**NOTE: I AM BY NO MEANS SUICIDAL! THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE NOTE! I JUST HAVE A LOT ON MY MIND**
Recently I've been thinking about my past. And it's not just once. It's been on repeat over and over and over again. Whether the thoughts are in order doesn't matter. It is that they just keep repeating. And it hurts. Not cause of the trauma it caused but the past just hurts. Anyway I'm gonna say a few words about a few people I have met and that i'm currently thinking about. I shall NOT say their name but what I knew them as.
(I think [was] Head) Compass Program Teacher:
I only knew you from Mid-Sophomore Year to beginning of Senior year. We became close as a student and teacher relationship goes. We were friendly towards each other.Time in the Compass Class room was fun. I wasn't sure about Compass at first but then you showed me around. I met the other teacher and the Compass Program's Psychologist. For sometime, maybe entire time, we as students and teachers were close-knit family. Though there were times you'd lash-out at me and I'd lash back. Sometimes I thought you were harsh on me. But. I knew that you were trying to do what you thought was right. You were an amazing teacher. Maybe friend? My memory is horrible but I think the last time I talked to you was about an email you misinterpreted. I made sure to clear it up, and the air too. But after that I was nervous to say anything to you. I was scared. I was scared of post-judgement if that makes sense. From her. From others.
And now I regret.
Regret lashing out.
Regret getting annoyed.
I was young. I think back about Compass almost everyday...
I am sorry I never understood that you were trying to look out for me until now.
I am sorry.
Compass Seniors of 2013
It was nice while it lasted. Hanging with all of you was amazing. We were a family. We are now going our separate was. Whether that's college, staying home, already working at a job, whatever. Just know, you all were an amazing while it lasted.
Middle School Gym Teacher (Does not work at the middle school anymore)
You were so nice and understanding. After having my episode in 8th grade, you'd walk around the school and we'd talk about life and stuff at the time. I never thanked you but it means a lot. You didn't judge or anything when I came out to you. I was still nervous at the time about who I told after a student threaten to 'out' me. You were like "I had a roommate in college that was a lesbian, so don't worry its' alright." Everyone else at that school had a single road to follow and if you didn't follow that road, you were most likely 'let go'. I am assuming that either they let you go or you saw there illusion and left because you were there only for a single year. Once again, thank you so much for being so nice.
---
There are many more but my mind is just focusing in on those few. A person can think about a lot at once when they are alone. My heart and mind aches. I am unable to sleep...Insanity? More like wishing I could thank the people I have met cause I know I'll most likely never meet them again.
**NOTE: I AM BY NO MEANS SUICIDAL! THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE NOTE! I JUST HAVE A LOT ON MY MIND**
Recently I've been thinking about my past. And it's not just once. It's been on repeat over and over and over again. Whether the thoughts are in order doesn't matter. It is that they just keep repeating. And it hurts. Not cause of the trauma it caused but the past just hurts. Anyway I'm gonna say a few words about a few people I have met and that i'm currently thinking about. I shall NOT say their name but what I knew them as.
(I think [was] Head) Compass Program Teacher:
I only knew you from Mid-Sophomore Year to beginning of Senior year. We became close as a student and teacher relationship goes. We were friendly towards each other.Time in the Compass Class room was fun. I wasn't sure about Compass at first but then you showed me around. I met the other teacher and the Compass Program's Psychologist. For sometime, maybe entire time, we as students and teachers were close-knit family. Though there were times you'd lash-out at me and I'd lash back. Sometimes I thought you were harsh on me. But. I knew that you were trying to do what you thought was right. You were an amazing teacher. Maybe friend? My memory is horrible but I think the last time I talked to you was about an email you misinterpreted. I made sure to clear it up, and the air too. But after that I was nervous to say anything to you. I was scared. I was scared of post-judgement if that makes sense. From her. From others.
And now I regret.
Regret lashing out.
Regret getting annoyed.
I was young. I think back about Compass almost everyday...
I am sorry I never understood that you were trying to look out for me until now.
I am sorry.
Compass Seniors of 2013
It was nice while it lasted. Hanging with all of you was amazing. We were a family. We are now going our separate was. Whether that's college, staying home, already working at a job, whatever. Just know, you all were an amazing while it lasted.
Middle School Gym Teacher (Does not work at the middle school anymore)
You were so nice and understanding. After having my episode in 8th grade, you'd walk around the school and we'd talk about life and stuff at the time. I never thanked you but it means a lot. You didn't judge or anything when I came out to you. I was still nervous at the time about who I told after a student threaten to 'out' me. You were like "I had a roommate in college that was a lesbian, so don't worry its' alright." Everyone else at that school had a single road to follow and if you didn't follow that road, you were most likely 'let go'. I am assuming that either they let you go or you saw there illusion and left because you were there only for a single year. Once again, thank you so much for being so nice.
---
There are many more but my mind is just focusing in on those few. A person can think about a lot at once when they are alone. My heart and mind aches. I am unable to sleep...Insanity? More like wishing I could thank the people I have met cause I know I'll most likely never meet them again.
11.20.2013
Playing Mass Effect 3 (with Imports from 1 and 2)
So playing it for the first time with imports from the first game to the second and the second to the third.
And its like the 5th time, just as amazing, playing Mass Effect 3. I am FemShep.
I have the Omega DLC so I get a (passionate) kiss from the Queen of Omega
I saved Wrex and the council. Survived the Suicide Mission with Team Alive (Thanks to the help of wiki pages)
(<---Fan art) And Liara has been my love interest with and without the imports, though I really wish I could romance Ashley. I know there is a connection there between them but you can't make it stronger T-T
I still love LiLi though..I call her LiLi. MY LILI~~ (pronounced Lee-Lee)
And its like the 5th time, just as amazing, playing Mass Effect 3. I am FemShep.
I have the Omega DLC so I get a (passionate) kiss from the Queen of Omega
I saved Wrex and the council. Survived the Suicide Mission with Team Alive (Thanks to the help of wiki pages)
(<---Fan art) And Liara has been my love interest with and without the imports, though I really wish I could romance Ashley. I know there is a connection there between them but you can't make it stronger T-T
I still love LiLi though..I call her LiLi. MY LILI~~ (pronounced Lee-Lee)
I have not watched this Anime yet..
Brothers Conflict
I've seen images and read about this anime. I have not watched it yet. I love the art styling very much. Characters are very well done.
11.10.2013
After the Destruction of the Citadel...
So I am writing a story about after [My] FemShep destroys the Citadel. [My] FemShep has destroyed the Citadel, with all possible help from the galaxy. She is in a relationship with Liara T'Soni.
I'll post it on my art sight once I feel like its ready. There might be more than chapters to this.
The Galaxy defeated the reapers, with much help from Commander Shepard.
They thought that the hope, formed as Commander Shepard, was destroyed along with the Reapers.
What they didn't know...
Was that Hope Still Lives On...
[Pt.1] | [Pt.2] | [Pt.3] | [Pt.4] | [Pt.5] | [Pt.6] | [Pt.7] | [Pt.8] | [Pt.9] | [Pt.10] | [Pt.11] | [Pt.12] | [Pt.13] | [Pt.14] |
I'll post it on my art sight once I feel like its ready. There might be more than chapters to this.
The Galaxy defeated the reapers, with much help from Commander Shepard.
They thought that the hope, formed as Commander Shepard, was destroyed along with the Reapers.
What they didn't know...
Was that Hope Still Lives On...
[Pt.1] | [Pt.2] | [Pt.3] | [Pt.4] | [Pt.5] | [Pt.6] | [Pt.7] | [Pt.8] | [Pt.9] | [Pt.10] | [Pt.11] | [Pt.12] | [Pt.13] | [Pt.14] |
11.05.2013
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