April Update

 April has been a weird month emotionally wise. At the beginning of April, I was doing great (especially since my birthday is at the beginning. And I was doing good for a while. Then my emotions dipped around mid-April, and I am unsure why. But I've been missing my mom, and the house I grew up in. I've been using my coping mechanisms, aka gaming, to distract from my sadness. I've been wanting to draw but my hands and brain cant seem to cooperate when it comes to drawing (and sometimes writing). Every time I try to draw, especially digitally, I get super frustrated/upset/angry. I am unsure whether or not that has to do with the non-cooperation OR my perfectionism. Either way, it sucks. But I shall continue to try to get something on physical or digital paper.

Wish me luck...

Progression on the To-Do List

It's March already, though my last post was near the end of Feb, and I've progressed on some things on my to-do list.

• Get through my playthrough of Mass Effect Andromeda on Playstation (because it's the last achievement I need. I am currently at Kadara Port) [progression] I'm now nearing/or on the last mission of the game. I've romanced Vetra and currently on the last mission HOWEVER, I've been like avoiding doing it because once it's done, then I have no reason to play on PS5. I mean I know I can play on PC but it feels kind of like a joy/sadness that it will be over...
• Catch up on reading (both Manga and Novels/Books) [progression] I've read like 3-4 manga, though I have like 15+ manga I still need to read. And I have read a chapter of the Mass Effect Andromeda Novel 1 which I am almost done with. Still have like 9-10 chapters left.
• Catch up on Anime (like re-watching Haikyuu! then reading the manga for the rest of the series, and watching the ones on my list) [Haven't really progressed]
• Restart my workout on the Peloton (I stopped because I got sick with Covid, then I got really depressed. Not saying I am not depressed anymore but I think I might be doing a little bit better) [Havent really progressed, I got one or two workouts in but Im struggling getting back into the swing of things]
• Finish the battle-pass of Overwatch 2 (which isn't too hard) [progression] I've completed the battle pass, though I am on the prestige part of the battlepass which is about half way done with titles.
• Sketch more often than I currently am [progression] I've actually started (recently) sketching more in my sketchbook which makes me happy however I want to make new characters (either to use later or just to get my imagination working).
• Continue working on my Comic. [no progression]
• Prepare in ESO for the Gold Road Expansion (comes out in June? July?) [not sure how to progress this bullet point...]

I Dont Stick to My Plans

I want to make a plan of things I want to do. Problem is that I never stick to the plans I make for myself, unless its like appointments or get-togethers. There are so many things I want to do.

I want to:

• Get through my playthrough of Mass Effect Andromeda on Playstation (because it's the last achievement I need. I am currently at Kadara Port)
• Catch up on reading (both Manga and Novels/Books)
• Catch up on Anime (like re-watching Haikyuu! then reading the manga for the rest of the series, and watching the ones on my list)
• Restart my workout on the Peloton (I stopped because I got sick with Covid, then I got really depressed. Not saying I am not depressed anymore but I think I might be doing a little bit better)
• Finish the battle-pass of Overwatch 2 (which isn't too hard)
• Sketch more often than I currently am
• Continue working on my Comic.
• Prepare in ESO for the Gold Road Expansion (comes out in June? July?)

I wish Haikyuu! had a dub because then I could multitask by working on my comic/draw. Maybe I'll look at my list and see if there are other dubs to watch so I can multitask. I even have a spot on my [art] desk to have my iPad set up to watch vids on (or look at Pinterest for references).

My (Updated?) Thoughts about Mass Effect Andromeda

 

I've recently been playing Mass Effect: Andromeda (again, on PS4 though. And yes it's a comfort game of mine) and I've been having thoughts about it. Not bad ones. I still thoroughly enjoy this game, even with the minor inconveniences or bugs. And I am on the side of "Yes, I know its a Mass Effect game set in a different location/setting/time-period. And yes, I know it feels different but No, I don't care I still like it a lot".

Some thoughts:

• I like the open-world aspect of the game. I know Mass Effect Trilogy is a bit more linear(?) about where to go and it's locations (and parts of that is nice because sometimes I don't know what I should be doing so the quests feel a bit more confined and easier to get to) HOWEVER, exploring a new world in an open world setting is fun because there is so much to explore. And, in my opinion, it's not as slow or as barren as Starfield (even though Starfield came out after, note: I struggle getting past the intro to Starfield because its so goddamn slow).
• I like the crew. We have a turian (Vetra Nyx), asari (Peebee, Dr. Lexi T'Perro), krogan (Drack), *spoiler* a new alien race crew member (Jaal Ama Darav), then of course the Human crew members (Cora Harper, Liam Costa, Gil Brody, Suvi Anwar, and obviously Ryder).
• The character creation is a bit more in-depth on ME:A compared to ME:Trilogy, unless you have mods (which I haven't done...yet.). There are tattoos, scars (not like the renegade scarring), more variety to hair color and eye color. I will say one gripe about the Character Creation in ME:A is that I cannot match eyebrow color to their hair color. It's tied to the face/complexion/whatever you choose.
• Another, minor, gripe I have is that the Maverick Helmet (the one I am currently using) doesn't really change color with my armor, or it doesn't have the same coloring as my armor like it's off by a shade or two.
• (This maybe counts for both the Trilogy and Andromeda but...) I like that there are many romance options for Ryder (some depend on gender). I love Vetra and Peebee. On my current playthrough I am romancing Suvi, but its a bit slower going than the others but she's sweet so I shall stick to her. I wish that I could romance Cora as a Female but she is straight in the game :( 
• Another, a bit less minor, gripe is that on PS4 there are so many auto saves that I can have like only one manual save per playthrough, which makes I difficult to get achievements. In the past, when I didn't realize the save issue, I'd constantly get a message that I dont have room to save. And I was so confused but then later on I realized it was due to the damn auto-save function. Which you have no way of like saving less or turning off completely.
• Another, very minor, gripe is that I wish they came out with some sort of DLC for the game. Like about Jien Garson's death. Maybe, I hope, they are working on a sequel to not only the Trilogy but also Andromeda. But I doubt that because many others were disappointed, uspet, did not like the game. I am one of a few, possibly rare few, that really like the game.
• I liked the story for Andromeda. They ended on somewhat of a cliffhanger so I hope they really do make a sequel.

I need to finish the books of Mass Effect: Andromeda (Nexus Uprising, Initiation, and Annihilation). I am almost done with Nexus Uprising and it's been really good so far. Gives background to the Nexus Uprising (haven't seen any clues about the Benefactor nor clues on how Jien Garson died). The second book (Initiation), I believe, is based on Cora. 

COVID, Monthly "Gift", and Grief (Oh My!)

I haven't posted in a while due to the fact that I've been very sick with Covid-19, and I am not quite sure how I caught it (don't worry, I am currently quarantining). And now it's February. And I got my Time-of-Month "gift". And I'm missing my mom immensely (again). So that's like a truck load of physical and emotional damage at once that hit me last week. The only "good" thing is that my "gift" is almost done. But I'm still emotionally and physically suffering from Covid-19 and my mom's birth/death anniversary (She was born on Feb 8th and died Feb 11th, 60-something years later in 2019).

It's 2am and I'm trying not to spiral into the pit again.

But I have to be honest, due to my spacier than normal brain and sleeping days away to rest, I've missed a few days of medication. I'll try my best to take them at a decent hour today (no promises because spacey brain and sleepy time).

When I am awake and (semi)alert, I want to do things like draw, write, or game. But I either don't have the strength/alertness or my hands get super sweaty. That's been happening a lot with Covid. My hands (and feet) get super sweaty, making it difficult to draw or wear socks.

This past time I fell asleep, I thought I was in dream world for a long time. I thought I died or something. When I opened my eyes, I questioned reality. Was I really awake? Am I still alive? Is this a dream?

I don't want to be sick. Like, I was just sick in all of October last year.

I want my life to go back to when I lived in my house with my mom. I would want her to be better obviously. (But at the same time, if my mom didn't die and I never moved to my apartment, I would have never met my cat KiKi who I love so much with all my heart. My cat is the reason I live today).

It took me about half an hour to write this post (even though its not that long)

 

It's currently 2:30-ish am when I started writing this post. I have updated my blog's font and layout (and a few other things) this morning. No significant changes though. I had a coffee around 5pm yesterday (Saturday) and it's kept me awake since, which is semi-frustrating because I was working on fixing my sleep. Time to re-fix it again (lol).

On ESO, I've been leveling my (new) Nightblade Wood Elf (Maxx-Of-All-Trades) and using my main/templar to do misc/daily tasks along with fishing (Momo Mender Of All Wounds). With my nightblade, I am currently grinding out Alliance Assault War Skill for Caltrops (which is a pain to get, even with the Colovian War Torte which gives 50% boost to AP). I always, however, return to fishing with my main as a relaxing thing to do while watching YT or Anime (or listening to Distractible)

I've been playing "comfort games" over "new games", even though I have a long list of games (PS5 and PC) that I wanna start (ESO being the main comfort game). The list on PC is much longer than PS5 but I really wanna reignite my playthrough on Yakuza Series which happens to be on PS5/PS4.

I am now debating about rescinding my trying to give a daily mood update BECAUSE, in all honesty, I am pretty neutral when it comes to how I am feeling by the end of the day. And even if I was able to make notes throughout the day on my mood, I'd still like neutral about things unless something significant happens (Good or Bad). Even though some might not agree, I am pretty grey in the sense of Black/Bad and White/Good when I am doing better. Like I am not feeling like Im in a pit of darkness/despair/hopelessness NOR am I feeling like rainbows, sunshine, and pure happiness. Grey. I am currently grey.

(Here is my desk set up for traditional artwork. I want to work on my Copic Marker Coloring and Inking with G-Pen Nibs. The list on the book holder is my grocery list lol)

Gonna try a thing (for myself)

So I'm gonna try a thing. I'm going to do my best to make a post (hopefully) daily to keep track of my mood and mental state. I will start next week on Sunday so it can start on a fresh week. I hope this will work. My therapist(s) suggest that I keep a journal about how I am doing but I like posting my emotions, feelings, etc. on this blog. And even though others can see it, I don't care. It's just something I like to do. I don't have to justify anything. And plus, I wanted to be posting on my blog more anyway. It's fun and a change of pace than just using peloton, playing games, watching youtube, etc. etc.

On a different note, ESO announced the next chapter/DLC = Gold Road. I am excited for it, as ESO is my comfort game and I love seeing new/or reimagined places of the Elder Scrolls games (like Western Skyrim with Solitude or the beauty of sunflowers and sea High Isle). My favorite zone is Summerset for the view and the fishing spots though my favorite zone that gave a class is either Necrom (Arcanist class, though I have yet to play it more) or Vvardenfell (Warden class, because I love bear). But nothing will ever replace my main, which is a base game class. My Khajiiti Templar Healer Main (though I DPS when I am running around on another armory build).

Next week two games come out from the last of my Pre-Orders (except when I am able to pre-order ESO: Gold Road). Those two games are Tekken 8 and Like A Dragon Infinite Wealth. I used to love playing Tekken 6 on PS3, though it looks different than I remember haha. And I still have yet to playthrough the Yakuza/Like A Dragon games (still on Yakuza Kiwami 2), but I have a lot of fun when I play them (I especially liked Yakuza Dead Souls even though that isn't part of the lore, it was mainly just a zombie x yakuza game haha). It's just I am in a comfort zone kind of gaming and I dont wanna have to focus on story, reading subtitles, and such right now. Its kind of why I haven't watched any anime recently, even though I want to. Due to my height, and the screen on the peloton, I cannot see lower on my TV so it makes it a bit harder to watch Yowamushi Pedal on Crunchyroll.

I have been drawing a bit more, like rather than tracing and recoloring. I've actually drew some things, both digitally and traditionally, that came out okay.

Mid-January Update

 

(This is a redraw/trace, I DON'T CLAIM TO OWN THIS POSE.

Been struggling at drawing so I sometimes trace and add my own flair to drawings made by others. 

Again, I DO NOT CLAIM TO OWN THIS DRAWING, I'VE PUT MY OWN FLAIR ON IT)

I have taken a bit of a break from Pokémon Scarlet, though I probably get the item for the final part of the DLCs in the Mystery Gifts via Internet. I've recently decided to get, or rather rent, a Peloton Bike. I hope with it (along with the App's other exercises and a healthier diet) to improve and lose some weight. As my weight is not where I would like it (almost 200lbs).

I know that:

• It will take a bit to lose weight
• There is a possibility that there will be like excess skin due to the weight loss
• Muscle has weight (similar to Fat) on the body

I have made a special document to keep track of my weight loss journey. And I have to say that my mood has really, really improved now that Christmas is over. I've also started to eat heathier, been trying to snack less (and when I do, I eat healthier alternatives), and drink more water (rather than Soda and Energy Drinks). My only caffeinated drink, each morning, is coffee with some creamer. I need to work on having a little less coffee and eat something for breakfast (like Oatmeal with/or Fruit, such as Bananas, Berries, Peaches, etc.).

My hope is to use the peloton (app or cycling) each day or every other day, along those lines BUT I will workout until my body says that's enough for the day. And even if that isn't as long as I would like, I will slowly increase my limit each day. 

My plan is to:

1. Cycle/Workout (either each day or every other) and keep track of how long along with other stats and information)
2. Weigh myself every Friday
3. Keep goals for each month
4. Keep track of how long I sleep
5. How I am feeling at the end of each month

ALSO, I plan to keep playing video games whenever I feel up to it. I've been oddly playing games more on my PS5 and Switch over my PC. Still playing comfort games though. Maybe I'll get back into Pokémon after the last part of the DLCs and continue my shiny hunting. Or maybe I'll work on getting achievements (on PS5) for Mass Effect: Legendary Edition or Dragon Age Inquisition. I really want to work on playing (and enjoying) the Yakuza/Like A Dragon Series (I am only on Yakuza Kiwami 2). I've on and off also been playing Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm Connections (I HATE that the "cutscenes" are literally cut scenes rather than from the anime or remade with the characters. Like, somehow to me, that feels lazy on their part but I'd be a bit more understanding if they were on a time constraint or something). AND ive been playing Red Dead Redemption 2, and I've been accidently spending the in-game currency (cash) within the game instead of the bought currency (gold). Its very frustrating lol because I'll want to spend gold on something but instead I've spent like 100 on pants or something. And there is no undo button. I think right now, in the game, I have like 100 again, but I was at like 400 before  ha ha...ha... sigh.. lol