COVID, Monthly "Gift", and Grief (Oh My!)

I haven't posted in a while due to the fact that I've been very sick with Covid-19, and I am not quite sure how I caught it (don't worry, I am currently quarantining). And now it's February. And I got my Time-of-Month "gift". And I'm missing my mom immensely (again). So that's like a truck load of physical and emotional damage at once that hit me last week. The only "good" thing is that my "gift" is almost done. But I'm still emotionally and physically suffering from Covid-19 and my mom's birth/death anniversary (She was born on Feb 8th and died Feb 11th, 60-something years later in 2019).

It's 2am and I'm trying not to spiral into the pit again.

But I have to be honest, due to my spacier than normal brain and sleeping days away to rest, I've missed a few days of medication. I'll try my best to take them at a decent hour today (no promises because spacey brain and sleepy time).

When I am awake and (semi)alert, I want to do things like draw, write, or game. But I either don't have the strength/alertness or my hands get super sweaty. That's been happening a lot with Covid. My hands (and feet) get super sweaty, making it difficult to draw or wear socks.

This past time I fell asleep, I thought I was in dream world for a long time. I thought I died or something. When I opened my eyes, I questioned reality. Was I really awake? Am I still alive? Is this a dream?

I don't want to be sick. Like, I was just sick in all of October last year.

I want my life to go back to when I lived in my house with my mom. I would want her to be better obviously. (But at the same time, if my mom didn't die and I never moved to my apartment, I would have never met my cat KiKi who I love so much with all my heart. My cat is the reason I live today).