I have to go to my calendar to remember what I've more or less done since I've last posted.
In the month of:
June - I was playing Fallout 76 with my friends mainly and probably also playing Overwatch 2.
July - I had a family friend over and helping with appointments and stuff that needed to be done. Also went to Maine for one night as a goodbye vacation day to a friend.
Aug - kind of a blur...
I've been dealing with a cough/acid-flux issues and irritability issues as well. I haven't been feeling creative and have not been drawing at all even though I want to but I've been struggling to put pen to paper, whether it be traditionally or digitally.
I've been wasting my days playing World of Warcraft recently. Playing solo, leveling and mount farming.
The thoughts of suicide trickle in hear and there, but I've been not wanting to do anything but sleep. And when I'm awake, playing WoW, its pretty much zoning out which I consider a semi-somewhat form of like resting.
My Psychiatrist, who's prescribed me this ADHD med in the past, no longer willing to prescribe it to me and (in my opinion) doesn't give a valid reason. And I know I shouldn't "rely" on a med but like it helped me not only with getting stuff done for my comic book (which feels like is on an indefinite hiatus) but getting stuff done around the apartment, getting me antsy to go on walks and out of the apartment which I feel like might be good for me and what my therapists have all suggested I do. But no, she won't prescribe me the medication which I've had in the past. Though I will say, even if she were to prescribe me the medication, the Pharmacies near me barely ever fills in their backorders which make me so mad..
September will probably be a blur as well. I am excited for the end of October because Dragon Age: The Veilguard releases then (hopefully without too many issues).
Depression is still kicking my butt, more with the anger and irritability rather than the sadness, though there are still bouts of sadness of where I am missing my mom and feeling alone without her.
I don't have many friends in my vicinity to like hangout in person with anymore. And making friends is hard because I hate people for the most part. And I feel like there have been more bad, crazy, stupid people out and about. I tried to make a friend online for myself but they made me bored and annoyed.
I don't know what I want anymore. I dont know what I want to do, to get, to dream of...Nothing....
I... I just dont know anymore...
