[About] One Month Later!

 

I've been feeling a bit better, emotion wise. I've been cleaning/preparing for a family friend who's coming to visit. I'm excited for the day I do groceries this week because I've been craving to cook more and I am going to my local grocery store along with my local Asian Market. Maybe I've been in the mood because I've been watching some cooking TV Shows and Videos. I often love experimenting different ideas I get in my head for cooking. I will do that along with cooking some recipes I found in my cookbooks (the recipes for Karage, a Steak Sandwich from Sword Art Online, Korokke, and Coffee Jelly). They are actually based on Manga Books/Anime Shows which I think is really cool. I've made coffee jelly before and it was really good and I recently ordered some weird but tasty coffee beans so I'll be using one of those (either Cookies and Cream or the one that tastes fruity). 

I'm trying to "adult" more in the sense of keeping things cleaner than when I am depressed, cooking more than ordering food, work on my project. Hell, I'm getting a bedframe because for the longest of times I didn't have a bedframe and not because I was poor but because when I was really young (and kind of stupid) I took apart my bunk bed I had (because I was a curious kid) though eventually we had to toss it due to it breaking on important structural parts (lol, my bad). I will say being an adult is difficult sometimes. Like as an anti-social person who hates dealing with robots on important phone calls, makes phone calls for important things tedious. It's been very hot recently, or thundering, which makes it difficult for me to go outside to do trash/recycle runs (as I have to walk to the large bins) but I will do it if need be. 

I've also, in my spare time, been playing a ton of Mass Effect Trilogy (and some Overwatch 2, despite Blizzard being complete assholes but I don't want to get into that right now). I actually got through Mass Effect 1 and 2 over the course of like 3 - 4 days, again in my spare time. I'm now on Mass Effect 3 and just finished the Mars mission. I'm hoping that I can re-spec my talents with my Shepard because I dont like how they auto-set some of my talents. 

What do I want to do??

 I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life.

Like I still want to make my own manga/comic, eventually but I need to get my creative gears going again. Right now, my creative side and inspiration has disappeared. Maybe if I look at previous projects/artworks of mine I'd get inspired.

I also want to be a casual streamer of sorts. I'd stream more than before, eventually making a schedule. I know most of the games I'd play would be "older" games compared to new games. I would even stream when I use Clip Studio Paint to work on my project (maybe) but I don't my ideas stolen so I'd be vague about the information of the comic/manga. And in all honesty, I would be streaming just for myself not for the money (if I ever get there, I highly doubt I'd get there haha). 

These are things that I want to do.

Relaxing & Relationships [Kind of NSFW]

I've been playing a ton of Elder Scrolls Online (like 140 in the past two weeks). Its been my go to game of relaxation. I've also occasionally been playing Overwatch 2. Those two have been my go to games for trying to not let my emotions fall into a dark depression. I do notice the "whispers" of anxiety and the dreary emotions of sadness but I'm doing my best to ignore them. Been doing lots of things in ESO. From Guild Activities to Promoting my own guild to just casually fishing in the zone of Summerset (one of my top favorite zones).

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On another side of things, I've been feeling somewhat lonely in a romantic relationship sense. Mainly because I've been reading romance manga/watching romance anime. However when I watch shows that are live-action (?) actors, I often skip over the romantic/"sexual" moments. It just doesn't interest me the way anime/manga does when it comes to romantic things (and yet I still watch p0rn, but feel somewhat unhappy that I've watched p0rn and "scratched the itch"). Even though I feel slightly lonely, I oddly gotten used to and enjoy being single. I don't have to worry about a whole other physical person that I want to have a romantic relationship with. I worry about myself along with others I care about enough as it is. I know if I want that kind of relationship I need to put in the work, which can be many forms of exhausting. I would try to put in the work if I had someone I really liked. But currently I don't have anyone physically I want a relationship with. Kind of wish I did but kind of happy I don't... I guess it really depends on the kind of person I meet and find interesting to me.

Maybe I should just play some games with more romantic aspects like Mass Effect or Dragon Age or even Stardew Valley or Cyberpunk 2077. I did really enjoy both Judy and Panam's romance in Cyberpunk 2077. (I've also kind of put a pause on doing achievement hunting for Dragon Age Inquisition because I've been having too much fun playing ESO and Overwatch 2).

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I've been trying to force myself to draw or doodle something on paper despite my creative side being pretty much shut off currently, which sucks majorly. I got some doodles on paper, not so much drawings. I am not sure why my creative side decided to disappear but it has. I just hope it will eventually come back some day soon.